As God shall enable me, I will attempt to explain and share another experience that might be of benefit to you. I will be the first to admit that I am not original or innovative in my theology. My message is not new because I draw from Scripture and practice a non-denominational doctrine of Christ Jesus and His disciples.
The way I express my theology may (hopefully) be of some benefit. In my research I continue to find “gems” that profoundly resonate within me. For instance, I would often question whether I TRULY believed that Christ Jesus would ever allow a sinner, a wretch, like me to take His hand. One day, while studying, I came across the sermon by George Whitefield that he delivered on September 13, 1741. Before sharing the sermon with you I would like to point out a particular section that caught my attention. It was written; "I was long myself deceived with a form of godliness, and I know what it is to be a factor for the devil, to be led captive by the devil at his will, to have the kingdom of the devil in my heart; and I hope I can say, through free grace, I know what it is to have the kingdom of God erected in me. It is God's goodness that such a poor wretch as I am converted; though sometimes when I am speaking of God's goodness I am afraid he will strike me down dead." What immediately caught my attention was where Whitefield wrote I am afraid he will strike me down dead. As you will notice the word "he" is in lowercase. At first I imagined the word he was meant to be capitalized therefore meaning Whitefield was afraid He (God) might strike him down dead. Upon further reflection I entertained the possibility that the word he was intentional as the word he, in lowercase, would be referring to Satan. I spent many hours reflecting on not only the difference in the meaning of that sentence but also if it was intentional (lowercase) the effect the statement would have being spoken and heard as opposed to being read by those able to read.
After that time, in reflection, I decided it would be best to put all of that on a back shelf in order that I might unpack those thoughts again at another time in the future. I returned to Whitefield's sermon and continued to read. Even though I had put the uppercase/lowercase dilemma on the back shelf I could sense that the issue was still affecting my reading, thinking, and comprehension of the sermon. If I was able to explain the uppercase/lowercase dilemma sufficiently to you (my reader) then you will be able to appreciate what I read at the end of Whitefield's sermon. The conclusion states, "Come, poor, lost, undone sinner, come just as you are to Christ, and say, “if I be damned, I will perish at the feet of Jesus Christ, were never one perished yet."