omg so frustrated.

I am so frustrated right now.  I’m TRYING to learn poker but it’s entirely too difficult.  There are 987987 different things to remember and well my brain just isn’t that smart.  I try to tell myself that YES YOU CAN DO THIS, but…just…AAAAAAUGGGGGHHHHHH.

I’m sure that all I need is practice and patience with myself, but patience with myself just isn’t something I’m good at.  I’m supposed to understand how to do everything IMMEDIATELY.  I’ve always been that way with myself and it sucks.  If I don’t get it immediately then I’m stupid.  I don’t know WHY I’m like that.  It’s not like my parents spoke to me that way or thought that or anything.  They both think I’m the smartest person in the world.

I’m also frustrated at the fact that I really have no creativity at all.  I can not come up with any cute idea or design on my own, I have to copy.  And it’s SO DAMN FRUSTRATING to see these gorgeous pieces of jewelry or wonderful graphics or wonderful photos or whatever and just know that I will never be able to come up with something like that.

I try to be positive.  I really, really do.  I always try to look on the bright side of things.  If Eddie has a horrible session, I try to be like “Well, you’ll get it back next time!” or “You can’t help it if other players are stupid.  You just have to play your game, hope for the best, and hope that variance is on your side.”

I’m quite positive when it comes to him.  But when it comes to me?  HELLO, DEBBIE DOWNER.

I know all about the power of positive thinking and that if you believe it yourself, it’ll happen, blah blah.  It’s just so freakin hard to think positive when I’ve been watching poker videos for almost 3 solid weeks and I’m still so damn lost I barely know what a continuation bet is.

And then I look on Etsy and see that THE ABSOLUTE UGLIEST BRACELET I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE sells like hotcakes and I can’t sell anything to save my life.

/end rant